Two men were sitting next to each other at the Murphy’s Pub in London.
After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says ” I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland?”.
The other bloke responds proudly, “Yes, that I am!”
The first one say, “So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?”
The other bloke answers, “I’m from Dublin, I am.”
The first one responds, “So am I!”
“Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin?”
The other bloke says, “A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.”
The first one says, “Faith and its a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?”
The other bloke answers, “Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.”
The first one gets really excited and says, “And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?”
The other bloke answers, “Well, now, let’s see. I graduated 1964.”
The first one exclaims, “The good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck and winding up
in the same place tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self!”
About this time, Vicky walks up to the bar, sits down and orders a drink.
Brian, the barman, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, “It’s going to be a long night tonight.”
Vicky asks, “Why do you say that, Brian?”
“The Murphy twins are drunk again.”
Sitting in a bar in Ireland the Scotsman says,
“As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a wee place. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”
“Well,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”
“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman, “back home in my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually.
Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see that you gets laid, all on the house!”
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
The Irishman swore every word was true.
Then the Englishman asked, “Did this actually happen to you?” “Not to me, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”
Four Irishmen had been betting at the races & talking about how their wives hated their gambling.
Just then O’Malley lost the last of his money on the last race of the day, & keeled over dead!
The other 3 men stood & took off their hats for a few seconds.
Then O’Grady says “Well, one of ya better go tell his wife. I’ll not be the one.”
“Oh, me neither, me neither.” says O’Donnell.
O’Casey says he’ll go & he knows just what to say.
So he goes to O’Malley’s house & Mrs. O’Malley answers the door.
O’Casey says, ‘Mam, I come to give ya the terrible news. Your husband just lost £500.”
‘Tell ‘im to drop dead!” she says.
O’ Casey replies, ‘Aye mam. I’ll go tell him right now!’
A large Canadian lumber company advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack.
The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the company with his axe and knocked on the Foreman’s door.
The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. “Just give me a chance to show you what I can do,” said the Irishman.
“Okay, see that giant redwood over there?” said the Foreman. “Take your axe and go cut it down.”
The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes, he was back knocking on the Foreman’s door.
“I cut the tree down,” said the Irishman.
“Holy smokes!” Said the Foreman. “Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?”
“In the Sahara Forest,” replied the Irishman.
Confused, the Forman asked, “… don’t you mean the Sahara Desert?”
“Oh… Is that what they call it now?”
Mick, from Dublin, appeared on ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’ and, towards the end of the program, had already won 500,000 euros.
I cannot help thinking about my old friend Patrick O’Shea who called his lawyer and asked, “Is it true they are suin’ dem der cigarette companies for causin’ people to get cancer?”
“Yes, Patrick, sure is true,” responded the lawyer.
“And now someone is suin’ dem fast food restaurants for makin’ dem fat an’ cloggin’ their arteries with all dem der burgers an’ fries, is that true?”
“Sure is, Patrick.”
“And that a lady sued McDonald’s for millions when she burned her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered?”
“Yep.” “And that a football player sued that university when he graduated and still couldn’t read?”
“That’s right,” said the lawyer.” But why are you asking?”
“Well, I was thinkin’. . .
What I want to know is, can I sue Guinness for all dem ugly women It made me sleep with?
Please donate to
Swiftcode METWAU4B
BSB 484799
Account
Reference PR |
Please email me so I can thank you.
patriot@patriotrealm.com
William Golding's "Lord of the Flies," first published in 1954, remains one of the most…
39 hits
What is it that makes us remember things from our past and, for some inexplicable…
149 hits
Today's article is about Deception. Lies. Experimentation. Life. Death. Family. Love. Hate and Betrayal. It…
189 hits
I remember the days before computers changed our lives. When I was a lad, I…
161 hits
As the war raged on the Eastern Front, the Soviet Union was in dire need…
205 hits
Many years ago, my late Uncle was approached by a lady who had inherited some…
131 hits
I read with dismay and horror that the statue of Sir John Monash was vandalised…
227 hits
I dedicate this article to the women who fought, died and tragically were lost. From…
186 hits
The concept of Mother’s Day as we know it in Australia began in the United…
194 hits
Carbon-capture-and-underground-storage “(CCUS)” tops the list of silly schemes “to reduce man-made global warming”. The idea…
201 hits
Some time ago, I watched a documentary about a man who, by being a spy,…
120 hits
" The benefits of government can vary depending on the specific form of government and…
197 hits
The World Health Organization (WHO) recently put up a defense of its violation of its…
90 hits
Our WEF-captured Australian Government is attempting to use the device of "violent men" to impose…
90 hits
Have our Governments become backseat drivers in our lives? Telling us what to do? To…
207 hits
On 7 May 2023, Charles Windsor was crowned King Charles III of England and its…
202 hits
The Battle of the Coral Sea is regarded by some as the action that saved…
245 hits
I remember when I arrived in Australia, all those decades ago, I had an accent…
295 hits
No, I don’t believe for a split second that suddenly, college students all over America…
204 hits
More than anyone else in history, Karl Marx exemplified trying to fix the world while…
243 hits
Each war seems to produce its own under-appreciated heroes who, for reasons that have nothing…
388 hits
Many years ago, a beloved mentor told me a story—a parable, if you will—about a…
262 hits
If all satellites suddenly stopped working, the consequences would be widespread and significant. Satellites play…
304 hits
A few nights ago, I watched a series on pay TV called " The Mill.…
275 hits
'So we marched into the sea and when we got out to about waist level…
290 hits
"They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old; Age shall not weary…
224 hits
“You’ve done very well so far,” said Chris Tarrant, the show’s presenter, “but for a million euros, you’ve only got one lifeline left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?”
“Sure,” said Mick. “I’ll have a go!”
“Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?
a) Sparrow
b) Thrush,
c) Magpie,
d) Cuckoo
“I haven’t got a clue.” said Mick, “So I’ll use the last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin ..”
Mick called up his mate, told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
“Fookin hell, Mick!” cried Paddy. “Dat’s simple. It’s a cuckoo.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m fookin sure.”
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, “I’ll go with cuckoo as my answer.”
“Is that your final answer?” asked Chris.
“Dat it is.”
There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, “Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you’ve won 1 million euros!”
The next night, Mick went round to Paddy’s to buy him a drink.
“Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven’s name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn’t build its own nest?”
“Because he lives in a Fookin clock!”