By Dr. Aria Solidarity-Jones, PhD (Oxon), MA, BA (Hons), Certified Ally (Gold Tier)
Published in The Progressive Ploughshare and simultaneously in the Decolonial Dustbowl Review
At first glance, The Werewolves of Dusty Gulch presents itself as whimsical Australiana: a vampire emu plumber, a wallaby apprentice with titanium knees, a hacked rolling pin broadcasting Honklander propaganda, and a clandestine lycanthropic initiative known as Project Howl.
This reading is, of course, profoundly naive.
Beneath its veneer of rustic absurdity lies a deeply troubling text that reproduces settler-colonial assumptions through the intersecting frameworks of eco-socialism, critical animal studies, post-human hydrological justice, infrastructure decoloniality, and what I have elsewhere termed plumbocentrism.
Let us begin with the ducks.
The so-called "Dusty Nine" are not merely ducks.
They are water-adjacent beings occupying a liminal ecological space that has historically resisted anthropocentric categorisation. Their "professional elimination" is framed as mystery rather than atrocity, thereby erasing both their agency and their quack-based lived experience.
Read more: Howling into the Abyss of Settler-Colonial Absurdism
By Roderick “Whiskers” McNibble
Chief Investigative Correspondent, Dusty Gulch Gazette
(Expendable, slightly chewed, currently stress-munching popcorn)
It began with murder.
One ordinary evening, the Dusty Nine were bickering over breadcrumbs beside the pond as only ducks can.
By sunrise... there were only feathers.
No blood. No struggle. No heroic last stand.
The Dusty Nine had not been eaten.
They had not been chased. They had been... eliminated.
Professionally. Surgically. Terrifyingly.
Whatever had visited Dusty Gulch that night had not come looking for dinner.
It had come looking for ducks. And the story I discovered will astonish all of our readers, even hardened boom bang bash watchers...
Read more: The Werewolves of Dusty Gulch - and a Vampire Emu with a Secret
The first thing he noticed was the silence.
Not the silence of an empty harbour. Sydney had never been a quiet place. Even in the deepest hours of night there was always a murmur - the distant pulse of traffic, the whisper of footsteps along the water, the restless heartbeat of a city that refused to sleep.
But this was different.
This was the silence that comes when the voices have gone.
The fog drifted across the harbour, thick and silver, softening the lights of Circular Quay until the city seemed like a memory of itself. The towers stood above the water, shining and new, but beneath them lay another Sydney - a city of timber, stone, sweat and dreams.
A city built by hands that had long since disappeared.
Then, through the mist, came the sound of wood against water.
Slowly, impossibly, a ship emerged.
It belonged to another age.
I grew up around Hamilton jet boats.
My uncle was one of the first jet boat captains in the world. My brothers suddenly had rivers they could explore, disappearing up shallow, rocky waterways chasing deer in places no ordinary boat could reach.
Long before tourists paid to be frightened, I was the child hanging on for dear life while my uncle wore the grin of a man who knew exactly what he was doing.
It was an exciting time.
We were part of history and never even knew it.
What was it about this boat that made it so special? Was it the thrills, the spills and the excitement? For me, yes, most certainly.
But the real story was far greater than the spray, the speed and the laughter.
Sir William Hamilton gave the world the machine, but machines do not make history by themselves. They need people willing to trust them, master them and discover what they are truly capable of.
It takes pioneers to give captains something to work with.
Hamilton created the possibility.
The early jet boat captains proved it.
They were not simply driving boats.
They were exploring the boundaries of what those boats could do.
Read more: The Dreamers and the Daredevils - Every Pioneer Needs a Captain
When I tell people I’m a beek, inevitably the first thing they say is, “Yes, we need to save the bees! They’re very important!”. While totally true, it is a noble statement that I cannot claim. I was dragged into beekeeping, kicking and screaming… well almost.
When people say, “We need to save the bees,” they usually imagine someone passionate, fearless, and purpose-driven in a white veil suit.
That wasn’t me. I didn’t plan to become a beekeeper—in fact, I was dragged into it by necessity, not nature.
What began as a practical solution to a tax issue soon turned into something much more: a lesson in courage, humility, and the quiet brilliance of life inside the hive.
On the night of 16–17 July 1918, in the basement of the Ipatiev House in Yekaterinburg, a line was crossed that history should never forget.
Tsar Nicholas II, Empress Alexandra, their five children - Olga, Tatiana, Maria, Anastasia, and Alexei - and several loyal servants were taken downstairs under the pretense that they were being moved to safety.
They were not.
They were met by a Bolshevik execution squad.
The killing was chaotic and brutal. The first volley failed to achieve its purpose. Bullets struck jewels sewn into the clothing of the Grand Duchesses. Bayonets and close-range shots were used to finish what the rifles had begun.
The bodies were removed, concealed, and for years the full truth was hidden by the regime that followed.
It was not merely the murder of a royal family.
It was the destruction of a symbol.
And that is why the basement at Yekaterinburg still matters.
In many Western countries today, we often speak of multiculturalism as though traditions no longer matter - as though every custom is equally temporary and interchangeable.
Yet history suggests otherwise.
A society without shared customs gradually loses the common experiences that bind strangers into neighbours and citizens into a people.
Christmas, weddings, national commemorations, shared stories, familiar songs, local ceremonies, even the simple expectations of family life - all of these help create a common culture.
They provide continuity between grandparents and grandchildren, newcomers and old families alike.
Queen Victoria and Prince Albert never imagined that choosing a white wedding dress or decorating a Christmas tree would influence millions of families around the world. Yet their example reminds us of a timeless truth. Culture is not preserved because governments decree it, nor because historians record it. It endures because ordinary people decide that something is beautiful, meaningful and worth passing on. Every tradition was once new. Every tradition can one day be forgotten. The future of our own traditions depends on what we choose to hand to those who come after us.
By Roderick "Whiskers" McNibble
Chief Investigative Correspondent
There are moments in a reporter's life when the facts refuse to sit quietly.
This is one of them.
For almost two years, nine ducks wandered the dams and paddocks of Dusty Gulch. They appeared harmless enough, content to paddle through muddy water, wander the streets, inspect the occasional puddle and graciously accept breadcrumbs from passing locals.
Naturally, rumours began.
Some claimed they were spies for the Honklanders.
Others insisted they reported directly to Prentis Penjani's Department of Suspicious Waterfowl Activities.
Trevor the Wallaby dismissed such talk.
"They're ducks," he told Ratty News. "Mind you... they are unusually well organised ducks."
Yesterday morning, the Dusty Nine were murdered following what authorities have described only as "an unfortunate incident involving two white canine Gulchian residents who may or may not have been vampire werewolves."
Most communities would regard that as a sad but simple event.
Ratty News does not.
Because our investigation has uncovered evidence suggesting the Dusty Nine were anything but ordinary.
In a world that seems determined to teach us to hate our countries, I remember something different. I remember gratitude.
I remember becoming Australian, not by rejecting my birth, but by embracing the land that raised me with open arms.
This is my story, and my hope for others who still believe in loving the mother who gave us a future and gave us a life that has been so wonderful.
Had I only ever been taught to celebrate my “difference”: had I never been taught to embrace the warmth of my new homeland , I would have missed out on a life filled with belonging, love, and pride.
Australia hugged me 70 years ago, and she has never let me go.
Just days after Sam Neill's passing on 13 July 2026, I found myself pulling an old copy of C.K. Stead's Smith's Dream from the shelf before watching Sleeping Dogs once again.
Neill's performance was extraordinary, but it all began with Stead's novel. It was his breakthrough into a long career in acting.
Published in 1971, Smith's Dream was never really about guns, governments or revolution. Those were merely the backdrop. At its heart, it was about an ordinary man.
Smith wants no part of politics. He retreats into the New Zealand bush, seeking nothing more radical than peace, solitude and the freedom to live his own life. He is not plotting rebellion. He is not organising resistance. He simply wants to be left alone.
But real modern life has a habit of following those who try to escape it.
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