Digitally Removed in Shocking Duck Directive - Trevor the Wallaby Victim of “Knee-Free” Policy – Gulch Governance hits red button on reality
New “Online Safety” Laws Trigger Anatomical Censorship Scandal
By Roderick (Whiskers) McNibble | Dusty Gulch Correspondent, Ratty News
Dusty Gulch Primary School is in uproar this week after Trevor the Wallaby’s knees were digitally removed from a school safety poster - allegedly to comply with new “online safety” laws introduced by an increasingly twitchy Maurice the EDuck.
The poster, part of a government-funded awareness campaign titled “Hop Smart, Hop Safe!” , was meant to promote playground safety and responsible monkey-bar usage. But when the final version was released, keen-eyed locals noticed something missing:
“WHERE ARE TREVOR’S KNEES?” demanded Mrs. Doris McCluskey in a furious letter to the editor.
“That marsupial is smoother than John Ruddick trying to avoid defining genocide to Avi Yemini.”
The cover-up unravelled fast.
Enter: Maurice the EDuck
Maurice, the self-appointed “Minister for Digital Harmony and Anatomical Neutrality,” has remained tight-lipped. But internal emails leaked from the Department of Educational Messaging (DEM) show the duck ordering knee removals on the grounds that:
“Visible joint articulation may trigger unsafe mimicry.”
Insiders claim the directive is part of a broader program known as the Joint Elimination Initiative (JEI) - a bureaucratic labyrinth involving interdepartmental committees, ergonomic consultants, and a rogue AI trained on yoga videos and nudibranch anatomy.
A leaked memo from the JEI confirms the worst:
“All appendage-based representations must avoid the implication of movement, rebellion, or expressive freedom.”
– Section 4b, “Lower Limb Protocols”
A Dangerous Precedent
Long-time locals fear this is only the beginning. Mayor Dusty McFookit is hopping made as well.
“First they came for the knees, and I said nothing - ‘cause I still had me elbows.
Now they’re scrubbing murals, blurring school signs, and banning limbs like it’s a crime to bend!
What’s next? Sanitised tailfeathers? Elbow permits?
I didn’t survive six dry seasons and three floods in a tent behind the servo to watch this kind of boneless nonsense take hold.”
At this point, Mayor McFookit slammed a laminated photo of Trevor mid-leap onto the council lectern, then threw his Akubra into the dust and waved a half-eaten lamington like a constitutional document.
“This town was built on backbone - not this flamin’ spineless governance!”
Last month, a diagram of a school crossing guard was mysteriously elbow-free. The month before that, a Year 4 science book replaced a running child with a softly drifting cloud.
“At this rate, we’ll all be slugs by Christmas,” warned PE teacher Mr. Daryl “Stumps” Jenkins, who ironically lost both knees in a fencing accident but remains passionately pro-joint.
The Trump Connection?
The controversy has taken on international dimensions.
Last week, President Donald Trump stumbled into a lectern during a speech in Florida. Internet speculation exploded: Was it a momentary lapse… or an elbow deficiency event?
Can any doctors tell me what just happened here?
— Maine (@TheMaineWonk) July 31, 2025
pic.twitter.com/z0TDhHdU4e
A medical analysis soon followed:
“The subject, upon concluding his oratory presentation at the lectern, initiated a pivotal rotation of his torso to facilitate egress from the stage. During this maneuver, the lateral aspect of his right brachium—specifically the region encompassing the deltoid and proximal humerus—experienced an inadvertent collision with the podium’s superior edge…”
“Such an occurrence is entirely consistent with routine human locomotion in confined spatial environments and bears no indication of pathological processes.”
An anonymous White House source quietly confirmed:
“We’ve been advised not to comment on joint integrity in the lead-up to the midterms.”
Experts now suspect a global shift toward joint denialism, with governments silently scrubbing knees, elbows, and other flexible parts from public life in a bid to enforce what’s being called “societal stillness.”
Trevor’s Silent Protest
Back in Dusty Gulch, the kids are fighting back.
Trevor has become an accidental martyr. Students are sketching chalk outlines of idealised knees across the schoolyard. One Year 6 boy was seen wearing cardboard knee bracers marked “BEND WITH PRIDE” in red Texta.
“He’s a wallaby, for hops’ sake,” muttered one teacher. “Knees are kind of his thing.”
Sources say Trevor remains stoic - though a single tear was observed sliding down his cheek as he gazed upon the digitally “corrected” version of himself. The artist responsible is believed to have fled to Tasmania.
Joint Elimination Initiative: A Timeline
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Week 1 – Maurice the Duck issues Memo 88-B: “Reconsideration of Unstable Anatomical Icons.”
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Week 2 – Elbows vanish from lunch posters. Children eat sandwiches vertically.
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Week 3 – Trevor the Wallaby rendered limbless in final artwork.
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Week 4 – Maurice declares knees to be “extremist symbols of independent propulsion.”
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Week 5 – PE class replaced with guided lying down.
Final Word
Trevor’s fate remains unclear. Some say his knees will be quietly reinstated in an after-hours software patch. Others fear the next safety campaign will feature nothing but a faceless orb floating in a featureless void.
As for Dusty Gulch, its spirit remains unbroken. Murmurs suggest a secret mural is being painted behind the canteen - one that shows Trevor in full mid-leap, knees intact, eyes blazing with defiance.
Next Week:
“Tails Erased from Textbooks in Bid to Quell Waggish Rebellion.”
Or maybe not.... who knows where this tale is leading us? This is Roderick ( Whiskers ) McNibble signing out Keep your knees sharp and your tail twitching.
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